my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
