All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
