So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
