My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
