she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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