Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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