I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
