i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
