you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
