It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
worst night to have a conscience
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
