You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
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I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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