good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My vagina is very pro this idea
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
