are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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