Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
