She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
