apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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