so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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