Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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