he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
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Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
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Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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