Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
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I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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