3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
