At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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