White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
