Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
