Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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