just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
