Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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