doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
