This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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