I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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