I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize