We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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