somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
