I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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