please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
