P.S. I can't hear my feet
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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