i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
