You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
