Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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