Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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