I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
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are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
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LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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