He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
