We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
