I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just found puke in my bra..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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