i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
