i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
