DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
