Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
