I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
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I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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