Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
