he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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