It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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