I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I need to calm my uterus...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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