I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
