Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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