You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Randomize
