I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
