so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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