We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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