Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
