I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
