So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
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Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize